Learn http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn en-us Mon, 15 Jul 2013 04:47:12 -0500 BI3D Learn Blog http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/bi3dlearnblog Every day I speak to women all over the country about body image and self-esteem. In my travels, I've found that there is one question that seems to plague women everywhere: How do I help my friends end fat talk? ]]> Tue, 09 Oct 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/bi3dlearnblog A Little Story http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/alittlestory I want to share a little story from college with you.

It was my first night on campus.  I went to this big group thing and ran into a guy that I hadn't really known from high school but he looked vaguely familiar so, it was easy to say the sort of, "Oh... hey... Do I know you from somewhere?" type of thing.

He was my older brother's age and remembered him and me, but he remembered little girl me who had been rather forgetful.  College me, on the other hand, was apparently more memorable.

He invited me to a party.

It was my first night on campus.  This is what you're supposed to do right?  So, I went back to my room, changed into something cute and met this guy near my dorm before walking across campus to the party's location.  It was at a house and it was standing room only.

I hadn't really "partied" in high school.  I didn't really drink.  Everything about this scene felt somewhat dangerous but also (or maybe because of that) totally intriguing.

"This is it," I thought.  "This is a college party."  I thought it would take a little bit longer to get to one of these but nope.  Within hours of living on campus, here I was, shoulder to shoulder with hundreds of guys and girls, with music blaring so loud everyone had to shout or lean in titillatingly close to get any sort of message across.

I stood there making small talk with the people around me a bit.  I was completely out of my element.  I'm not shy but I typically observe things more so than immediately interject myself or my comments into the mix.  I like to really get to know people.  I don't usually just B.S. for B.S.'s sake.  So, I stood there not saying too much as I took in all the things this college party scene had to teach my little newby self.

We made our way through the living room passing a gigantic beercan pyramid stacked nearly ceiling high.  I had an overwhelming urge to karate kick the crap out of it but decided that was probably an impulse I'd better not indulge.  Outside, three bamboo walls enclosed the patio where guys and girls were getting their flirt on hard core.  Lights were strung form pole to pole casting glints of light off of every beer bottle, beverage and can that each person in attendance seemed to be holding.

"Can I get you a beer?" the guy who brought me asked, trying not to reveal the earnestness in his voice to get my alcohol consumption going.

I felt a twinge in my stomach and said, "You know what, I'm good.  I really don't like it."

Shortly thereafter, on the other side of the patio, a guy with tray in hand jumped up on a bench and shouted, "Jello shots!!!  Green and red!  For girls only!!!  For GIRLS only!!!"

There was a lot of wooing going on and then my escort said, "Yeah bro!  Over here!"

Suddenly, it was as if everything was moving in slow motion.  I saw the guy who'd brought me with this delighted look on his face as he made his way toward the jello shots to commandeer a few servings for me.  I looked around at all the girls getting increasingly tipsy, felt like I could sense the guys growing giddy and quickly ran through the potential ways the next few hours, and decisions, could play out for me.

I have to say, I was disgusted.  I was pretty confident that all this guy wanted was for me to get drunk so I would become inebriated enough to think it would be alright to makeout with his not-that-cute, uninteresting, not-a-good-conversationalist self.  And that pissed me off.

I made a decision right then and there and told myself, "This will not be my story."

By that I mean, I knew right then and there I didn't want those kinds of stories to tell.  More than that, I didn't want those kinds of potential regrets to have to sift through or keep all to myself in the years to come.

I peaced out and walked home.


I'm not saying I've been a perfect angel.  I'm not condemning all parties or all party goers.  I just wanted to share this story because I felt it was important and it certainly was a defining moment for me.

Whatever stage you're at in life, whatever point you're along in your journey, your story is still being written. It's you who adds the ink to the pages and crafts the stories and story lines and characters that make it whatever it is and/or is going to be.  I just wanted to share this because, I believe it's each of our own responsibilities to craft and tell the beautiful story each of us is uniquely here to tell.

I personally couldn't have handled dealing with some of those things.  I knew that about myself from the get go and am happy and thankful for that.  But what about you?  Are there some things you wish you could edit?  I saved myself some stuff but, I promise you, there's enough other material that I already had to work through.

Whether you're in college, in high school, or out in life with a family, career and beyond, what is the story you're crafting?  Are you even conscious of who you're letting in or cutting out?

This decision served me well.  There were others that didn't but I'm comforted by the fact that though life is short its also long, so I take pleasure in knowing that my story's not finished yet and I have a been ol' role to play in how the next few lines and pages and chapters come out.

I think this short story is about reminding us to take back a little power when it comes to our life's script.  You don't have to be passive or think that things just come and go and it's all random and meaningless.

It's all meaningful, useful... gris for the mill as they say in the south.  So, if you don't love how your story is going right now, pick back up your pen and get to work making it something you'd want to read about.

(And save yourself some of the pages you'd want to rip out and burn later.)

Rachel
]]> Fri, 20 Jul 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/alittlestory What's Dissatisfying You? http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/whatsdissatisfyingyou Dissatisfaction.  Is there something dissatisfying you?

I have gotten to a point in life where I've learned how to be completely content with who I am while also being more consciously cooperative with whatever change I know needs to happen in order for me to continue to the next level in my personal growth.  

It was an arduous learning process.  For the longest time, I was constantly beating myself up, always measuring but never measuring up to my own high goals and expectations for myself.  I would see an area in need of improvement and then bash the living day lights out of myself when I didn't immediately act in a way that was congruent with this new area of needed improvement I'd just discovered.

This is what I learned --- If you're dissatisfied with something the only thing that's ever going to change it is if you do something different.  Most everything we do in our life is a habit.  We develop habits by practicing consistent behaviors.  We behave according to what we believe.  What we believe is based on our thoughts and our thoughts are based on what we've experienced and interpreted from those experiences over the years.

So, if you want to act different, first you have to think different.  If you find yourself knowing how you should act but still doing the same old things, it's because your habitual behaviors, based on your ingrained beliefs, reinforced by a lifetime of thoughts are still unchanged.

It one thing to say and even know you want to or don't want to do something anymore.  It's a whole other thing entirely to actually work on transforming the thoughts that fashion your beliefs that produce the behaviors that shape your habits day in and day out.  That's a process that takes time.  That's why it's important to learn how to be content in the midst of the change that's taking place.

Sometimes I have literally thought, "Could I just be done growing for a while now?"  But, I find, every time I do the hard things, which often times actually just means learning how to do the small things differently, consistently, I am so pleased and thankful and happier with myself when I get to a new place of maturity on the other side.

Contentment is not to be confused with complacency.  Complacency is standing still, growing or becoming comfortable in a state of stagnancy. Contentment to me is a component of peace.  Its appreciation, recognition, happiness and gratitude for who you are and where you're at even in light of the fact that you might have a heck of a long way to go from where you are today.  But, in my experience, if you're trying, you'll grow that much faster if you don't shackle the weight of guilt and self-doubt to your feet while you run towards your next personal best.

If you're alive, then there's still time.


Rachel
]]> Fri, 13 Jul 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/whatsdissatisfyingyou Who's Cultivating You? http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/whoscultivatingyou There are three yards in my neighborhood each with the same plant growing up and around the lamppost in each of my neighbor's front yards.  It's called a "clementis" I think and it's a creeping vine that gets vibrant purple blooms that cascade all over and around it at the height of it's blooming season.

Coincidentally, each of these homes sits side by side by side so it's very easy to compare the clementis as they grow.

One of the plants appears to be barely hanging on.  It's dry.  Its spindly arms are fragile and withered.  The leaves are sparse and the flowers are few and the ones that have bloomed look awfully thirsty.

One of the plants has faired somewhat better.  It's grown taller and has more pinwheel like, purple blooms sprinkled throughout the speckling leafage.  Its viney arms appear more securely fixed on the white lamppost as it wriggles its way inch by inch closer and closer toward the sun.

The third clementis vine is the most beautiful of all.  It's soil is moist and sprinkled with the tiny little white balls indicative of fertilizer to help give it the best chance of growing as big and strong as possible.  The supple vines engulf the lamppost in a lush waterfall of greenery and purple blooms that pour all over, around and throughout the foliage, delighting from all angles as you walk by.  The tendrils of the vine appear full and strong, confident as they continue their mission to scale the lamppost until there's nothing left to cling to except for bright, warm sunshine and a clear, blue sky.

It struck me the other day how all three of these plants had the exact same potential.  They were made of the same stuff, probably started out around the same size and had extremely similar circumstances within which to grow.  So what made such an astonishing difference between the wimpiest one and the others?  Or why was the most beautiful one so significantly more profuse and verdant than the other two were?

It all comes down to who's doing the cultivating.  My question is, who's cultivating you?   Each of us is born and bread with unimaginable potential but often times it takes others seeing the potential and cultivating that within us that makes the difference between a seed sitting in a packet on a shelf and an incredibly amazing creation fulfilling its destiny and delighting all those that come into contact with it as they cross each other's paths.

Do you have a mentor?  Do you have people cultivating the potential out of you?

Affectionately,

Rachel
]]> Fri, 06 Jul 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/whoscultivatingyou You Are Who You're With http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/youarewhoyourewith A very best friend of mine told me how, when she was a teenager, her mom used to always say, "Show me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are."  This was her way of telling her children that regardless of how individualistic or independent they might have thought themselves to be, no matter who you are, you are inevitably influenced the most by the people you spend the most time with.

This isn't a super new concept but, I've recently been around a whole lot of really incredible people and, I have to tell you, I think their incredible is rubbing off on me a little bit.  And I like it.

But, I can vividly remember many times and many long seasons of my life when I surrounded myself with and/or subjected myself to people who were not the best of influences.

A bad influence doesn't just have the potential to make you do something wrong.  A bad influence could also just make you feel sort of "off."

Before I recognized my need to be more intentional about the influences I allowed in my life there were many times when I would walk away from a lunch or a conversation not really knowing why but feeling sort of crappy afterwards.  Maybe we talked about something that left me feeling down or we talked about someone which made me feel like a jerk because I was totally being hypocritical and compromising my integrity by gossiping when I say (or convince myself) that I don't do that.

Influence's impact is not limited to people.  This has happened to me with t.v. before too.  Have you ever found yourself watching something that left you really drained after you turned it off?  Or maybe you were left in a bit of a negative mood or you felt more combative or maybe you were suddenly beating yourself up for your looks or struggling with something body image wise because you were somewhat unknowingly being negatively influenced by what you chose to subject yourself to.  (I've had this happen with certain songs too but I think you get the picture so I won't belabor the point any further.)

Maybe you need to install an Influence Filtration system.  It won't happen overnight but, there's probably a few things and maybe even a few people in your life that are mucking up your tank a bit.  You know what though?  You're the only one who's going to be able to make a change that will ensure that you stay clear and true to who you really are as opposed to being diluted by the bad influences of other people, places (Yes places...  Hello!), and things all directly or indirectly imparting some of themselves upon you.


You know I'm only ever sharing things with you that I've learned the hard way myself.  It's always written with love and believing the best in all the wonderful people I imagine read this.

 
Affectionately,

Rachel
]]> Fri, 22 Jun 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/youarewhoyourewith Let Your Strengths Determine Your Focus http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/strengths Do you know your greatest strength(s)?

Focusing on and trying to work on areas where we are naturally weaker doesn't really make a whole heck of a lot of sense now does it?  But we seem to spend a good amount of time, whether in schools or work or other organizations, doing just that don't we?  

Everyone has more strength in one area or another.  Instead of identifying and focusing and harnessing those strengths we seem to tend to split up or allocate more time to minimizing the areas where we're naturally weakest.  We end up missing out on our greatest strengths leading us into our areas of greatness.

It's weird because in school, subjects are presented like they're all equally as important and valuable and critical for us to learn and absorb and know.  But, what if you don't really care at all or aren't particularly strong in the area of math but you have an incredible eye and vision and inspiration in art.  If not otherwise encouraged you might end up expending a considerable amount of time trying to get a good grade in math and accept but essentially neglect your natural strengths in the area of art.  What a tragedy right?  The potential to be a great artist was there all along but because of a belief that areas where we're weaker are "bad" we risk missing out on growing our strengths with the fertilizers of our best time, focus and energy.

Identifying your greatest strengths helps you know where to channel your focus.  And when you know what to focus on you'll know what to do (a very big thing in a world where every item on our "To Do" lists seems to clamor equally as loudly as the next for our full, undivided and immediate attention).  When you know what to do you'll be better able to find and maintain balance.  Focus helps you know what to do and when you know what to do you naturally know what not to do.  When you know what not to do, you find balance.

I can tend to get pretty caught up in my weaknesses from time to time.  But, shifting our focus to finding and feeding our strengths is such a key to honing our focus which is the ticket to finding and keeping our balance.

I do love me some balance.

Rachel
]]> Thu, 14 Jun 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/strengths What Does it Mean to Love "Steadfastly?" http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/lovesteadfastly I've been thinking a lot about Tri Delta's open motto lately, "Let us steadfastly love one another."

In it's brevity and simplicity, it can be easy to read this and just keep on keeping on without the words really sinking in or effecting you at all.

But, look at it again and really think about what our open motto is trying to say.

"Let us steadfastly love one another."

I started rolling this around in my mind when I realized I didn't really have a solid understanding of what the word "steadfastly" means.  "What would that actually look like?" I wondered.  "What would the implications be in my life if I were to actually love someone or a group of people 'steadfastly'?"  I have a pretty good grasp of the implications of what the word "love" means... "Love is patient, love is kind."  (I'm paraphrasing but,) It does not envy, boast, brag, or disrespect others.  It's not self-seeking or easily angered.  It keeps no records of wrongs.  It always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres... that whole thing (1 Cor.13:4-8).

But steadfastly doing this?  Hmmm... not so sure I know what that means or how to do that.

So, I turned to one of my favorite resources --- the dictionary.  It's such a wonderful, ripe tool, ready to be peeled open and gobbled up in all it's juicy, knowledgey goodiness.

My preliminary online search returned:

"steadfastly - with resolute determination; 'we firmly believed it'; 'you must stand firm'" and provided synonyms such as "firm, firmly, and unwaveringly."

That's pretty good right?  Probably something along the lines of what you were already thinking.

But, then I really honed in on the words, "with resolute determination," the "[standing] firm" part and the concept of being unwavering.  These are big words if we actually try to live them out.

Have I developed the discipline to love anything or anyone truly unwaveringly?  Or have I more often allowed my own wants, needs, whims and desires to dictate how much I am going to love and/or not love anyone at any given moment or time?

It's not an easy question to ask exactly but by making this our open motto it would seem that the founders of Tri Delta might have intended for this to be something we lent a certain amount of intentional thought to.

After reading this definition, I also couldn't help but think that, if you have to do something "with resolute determination" or if it requires that you "stand firm" that must mean that you're going to be faced with some kind of opposition, adversity or challenge.  After all, you don't have to "stand firm" when nothing's shaking you up.  You don't need to be resolute in your determination to do something unless there's some kind of force (person, situation or circumstance) that's threatening to keep you from remaining loyal to your goal.

It seems obvious to me how this concept relates to loving other women.

There will always be potential for opposition, adversity, disention and challenges amongst any group of people that come together to try to live and share their lives together.  The fact that the standards for what that looks like within the sisterhood of Tri Delta are so high, if anything, increases the odds that challenges will arise that could jeopardize our determination to truly, "steadfastly love one another."  The only way we could possibly ever do this is if we remember, and remember often that, what we're really trying to do and how we're supposed to do it is quite a radical way of attempting to interact with other people.

I love the amazing standards Tri Delta established for it's members.  I also love breaking them down to figure out what and how we're actually supposed to look as members.

I hope you enjoyed this little essay on the deeper meaning of the word "steadfastly."  And I also hope it reinvigorates you to "stand firm" and stay resolute in your determination to steadfastly love your sisters and any other women in your life today.  I know it challenged me to adopt a higher personal standard for myself.


XOXO,

Rachel
]]> Fri, 08 Jun 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/lovesteadfastly A Remedy for Insecurity? http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/aremedyforinsecurity Last week we looked at one symptom of comparison - jealousy.  I mentioned another one though, insecurity, that I thought might be interesting to look into some more.


It's a compliment when we say, "She's very secure in herself" of another woman.  It's admirable.  We usually look up to these women.  We seek to emulate them.  But often times it seems we make this remark also because, women who are secure in themselves seem somewhat few and far between.

You might like to argue with this point.  And, that'd be fine it you wanted to.  But, I don't think it's out of line to propose that the problem of insecurity plagues probably the majority of women.  By that I mean, at least over 50.001%.  If you disagree, that's awesome.  That means you must be surrounded by a lot of really fantastic female role models and probably are one yourself.

For the rest of us though, the evidence of the effects of insecurity wreaking havoc on the society of women at large seem devastating.  For me personally, I am extremely passionate about this topic because I have tasted the bitterness of insecurity and have taken stock of the toll it took on my life.  If anyone else can benefit from some of what I've learned or at least circumvent some of the pot holes I sunk into, that would be wonderful to me.

So, insecurity is another consequence stemming from comparison.  We fall into comparison when we lack a clear picture of who we are at our core and the conviction to stay true to that regardless of whatever outwardly applied pressure might exert itself on us.

Insecurity can be tricky though because it can come about from comparing yourself to others or by measuring yourself by some self-imposed standard that you picked up or was established in your mind from any number of contributing sources... society, family, school, work, culture, etc., etc.

If you struggle with insecurity, then you don't need me to go into a lot of detail to describe it.  It's a feeling; a state of mind.  It's a state of being that, in general could just be encapsulated as "crippling."  It's hard to talk about because it's not popular to admit it.  Even if you do get the courage to admit to yourself that you struggle with it, you may find opposition from others if you ever muster up enough chutzpah to tell someone else about it.  It's sort of like something we don't really want to look at or deal with.  You might hear someone say, "But that's ridiculous.  You of all people have nothing to be insecure about.  You're great.  You're this.  You're that."  It's such a deeply personal, usually deeply rooted thing that others, unless they know you very personally, usually can't begin to imagine or understand how you could come to such a conclusion in regards to yourself because their understanding of you is so shallow.  That's okay.  That's the nature of most of our relationships.  We can't really go around knowing each and every person we interact with so, so deeply.  There's just not enough time in this life!

What my be helpful though is to not add shame or guilt on top of your already insecure feeling self because you believe that you shouldn't feel this way or you should feel this way or that.  Start by just feeling the way you feel and see if the relief alone of not condemning yourself for feeling insecure doesn't provide some measure of relief.

There's no straight shot prescription for insecurity per se but, instead of focusing on what you don't want to be (never really helpful) if you focus on what you do want to be, a secure person, there are some useful tools there.

I absolutely love the dictionary.  I love definitions.  I'm a writer so I guess that makes sense.  I looked up the definition of secure to give us something nice and meaty to sink our brain teeth into.

A google search of "secure definition" revealed:  secure - "fixed or fastened so as not to give way, become loose, or be lost."

Oooo that's good.  Um!

Some of the synonyms provided were:  safe, sure, certain, confident, assured, steady, ensure, insure, assure, safeguard, obtain and fasten.

I liked "insure" especially.  We usually insure something because we're protecting ourselves against a potential loss, either financial or physical, that could befall us and potentially damage or destroy something in our lives that we hold dear.

Insecurity is just that.  It's a loss, a loss of our courage or maybe our confidence that can produce mental, physical and spiritual damages.  The protection, to be INwardly SURE, is an equally powerful tool we can possess to get to a place and stay in a place of security that's not conditional on outward circumstances but stays true 100% of the time due to the compass set inside you.

 

Okay.  Is this getting too weird?  I hope this is making some sense.  I just think it's so important for us.  It's so beautiful when we get it and hold on to it and when you see it in the women around you.  It is a process however.  Being secure comes out of knowing who you are. Knowing who you are is the process.
 

You get that though.



XO,

RB
]]> Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/aremedyforinsecurity The Root of Jealously http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/therootofjealously For a long time now I've sort of been mulling over the idea of jealousy.  What all forms does it take?  Where does it come from?  How can we guard ourselves against becoming jealous or deal with it when we find ourselves the target of someone else's jealousy?

These all seemed like worthwhile questions to me.  As a girl, as a woman, jealousy is impossible to escape.  It rears it's uncomfortable head so often and in such varied ways, if you are sensitive to it, you might just find yourself on jealousy alert 100% of the time which is exhausting, draining and defeating.  It's no way to live.

So, originally I thought it would be great if I could come up with a laundry list of sorts of what jealousy can look like.  "That way," I thought," women can know when that's what they're dealing with or up against."  You know, sort of like, if you know what you're up against, at least then you can prepare yourself for the battle.

Then I realized, that idea in and of itself was really not very productive.  Women don't need another battle to fight against each other even if its stemming from a sense of not wanting to fall into something, like becoming jealous, or not wanting to be blindsided if we become the "victim" of jealousy.  I say victim in quotations because it can very much hurt when you are the object of another's jealousy.  It can.  It can also be nothing more than a fact, a piece of information, if you have the tools to deal with the source of jealousy before you even get to the place where you're emotionally reacting to it either as the perpetrator or the one on the receiving end.

Okay so --- WHAT IS THE ROOT OF JEALOUSY?

Correct me if I'm wrong, or comment with your thoughts but, I believe the source of jealousy, the root that jealousy in all its many forms stems from, is comparison.  Comparison stems from not knowing who you are which gives you a certainty in being who you're supposed to be.

If you truly know who you are and live accordingly you will be CONFIDENT in the decisions you make, in the way you carry yourself, in the way you spend your time and CONTENT with the status of your life, the situations that you're in and the path you're on as the person you're becoming.

Jealousy is just one symptom of comparison.  It's discontent on steroids.  It can permeate so many areas of our thinking and our lives.  It makes us resentful.  We either become arrogant in regards to others because we think we're better then they are in some form or area, or it leads to insecurity, because we think more poorly of ourselves than others.  Both of which are sneakily self-centered mindsets (after all, even when we're thinking insecure thoughts or feeling insecure feelings we're still mostly concentrating on ourselves more than any other person in the world aren't we?).

Anyway, so I guess the conclusion I've come to is that jealousy isn't really worth that much attention.  Comparison is though.  And the remedy for comparison seems to me to being knowing yourself and living in the confidence and contentment that comes from that.

Knowing yourself is a process though.  Certainly if you're a collegian, this is a pertinent topic for you.  If you're a Tri Delta, the resources of this organization and amongst your sisterhood are structured to help you discover and further develop a clear picture of who you are.  It's just as critical though if you're not yet in college or if you're out of college as a career woman or a stay at home mom or some blend of the two.  Both of those arenas are ripe --- RIPE! --- with opportunities for comparison, within themselves and between each other.

Alright, I think that's plenty.  What are your thoughts?  Have you seen this in your own life or have you discovered other techniques for dealing with comparison or nipping it in the bud?


Always eager to learn from other ladies,

Rachel

]]> Wed, 09 May 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/therootofjealously Get Some Courage Normand http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/getsomecouragenormand

This post is a little self-indulgent because the featured subject of today's post is my beloved dog, a Bichon Frisé named Normand.

I do love him so, so much (as will be evidenced by the number of adoring nicknames I'll shamelessly sprinkle throughout this post).

 

Normand loves to play. Currently, his favorite toy is a small, blue ball.

Normand is also terrified of air vents.

During fetch this morning, Norm's ball landed squarely on an air vent set into the living room floor.  Normand ran after his treasured toy but stopped abruptly before the grated, black mouth in the floor could swallow up his paw or any other part of his admittedly petite frame.

Glancing back, he released a wimpy little whimper as if to say, "You can't possibly expect me to grab it from there."

The Norm Trooper was scared.

 

"Get some courage Normand," I cheered.  "Go on!  You can do it!"

"Go on," I urged him, clapping excitedly to further kindle his puppy flame.

"Go on Norm!  Get-your-ball.  Go on and get it!"

 

The Norminator started barking.  He'd lunge precariously close to the grate before hopping a safe distance back.  Back and forth he'd creep.  He'd bark back at me like, "Come on lady.  Can't you tell what I want you to do?  Get that ball for me.  That thing is scary."

This went on, with me encouraging Norm to grab the thing right in front of him and Norm coming within inches of grasping the object of his desire.

"Bark!"  Creep.  Retreat.  "Bark!"  Creep.  Retreat.  Back and forth, back and forth, until finally, he got just riled enough to snatch his prized possession from the much feared floor jaws of the terrifying air vent's grasp.

Pride welled in my chest as I watched The Norm Nugget walk towards me with blue ball in mouth and satisfaction in his stance.

He'd done it.

"Good for you Norm.  Good for you."

 

Being scared of an air vent seems silly because we have the perspective and understanding to know that what Norm fears will in no way harm him.

I don't begrudge him, belittle him, or look down on him because of his silly fear of floor vents.  I'm delighted to see him face and conquer his version of life's obstacles however trivial those may be in his small, dog world.

As much as I'd like to think it's not true, I know I have fears that are equivalent with some of Mr. Puffers'.  I'm fearful of fill-in-the-blank (insert what applies to you).   I'm not even entirely sure why I'm fearful or how I got that way.  I just know that sometimes, in certain situations, there's a tightening in my chest or a quickening of my heartbeat that sounds the alarm bells in my head that scream, "Go no further."

But often, it's only my limited perspective of unfounded fears that keeps me from lunging forward and going after the things I want most.  It's forgetting that I have people in my corner ready to encourage me to, "Go on and get it" that sometimes hinders me from creeping, even ever so cautiously, into territory that may seem terrifying to me in the moment.

So in the spirit of encouragement, I just wanted to say today, "Go on and get it!"  Whatever "it" may be!

Have courage because "You can do it!"

 

 

Affectionately,

Rachel and Mr. Puffers

]]> Wed, 28 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/getsomecouragenormand Boundaries vs. Barbed Wire Fences http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/boundariesvsbarbedwirefences
I'll give you an example.

Have you ever found yourself in a season where you felt like you just couldn't possibly handle another social engagement or even just one social engagement on top of your already jam-packed feeling life?  You start to avoid friend's and family member's phone calls, even your very best of friend's, because you feel like you just don't have the energy to do anything that would require you to be "on" past the time you feel like you get to "check out" and "turn off" at the end of the work day?

There are obviously a lot of things contributing to this scenario.  Your day is full.  Your schedule is stressful.  Life is stressful.  It is what is it.

The confusion comes in when you find yourself perplexed by the fact that you're avoiding the people and sometimes the activities that you know you love.  You know it's the fear that those things will only further exhaust you though that propels you to continue to protect yourself from any "grenades" that could potentially blow you away in your already fragile state.

This is me at least.  Anybody else feeling me on this?

Then I find myself in the situation where, not only do I feel exhausted (that's why I felt the need to retreat, hunker down and hermit behind my barbed wire social fence) but now I'm also dealing with a serious side of guilt because I'm neglecting relationships that are precious to me and I certainly don't want to loose.  Its just that even those people present a "threat" to pushing me off the mental breakdown ledge I feel myself teetering on.

 

The conclusion we came to this morning was that our barbed wire fences were birthed out of a perceived need for self preservation, a valid need.  Certainly not something we should ignore.  We shouldn't beat ourselves up for getting to that self preservation place but rather acknowledge the fact that somewhere along the way that healthy life balance somehow got shoved way, way, waaaay off the balanced-life track.

That's where the reflection comes in.  What is it in my life exactly that has gotten me so off balance?  Am I just in a particularly difficult season and therefore my expectations for how much I'm going to be able to give of myself should necessarily be less than in other, less demanding, less stressful seasons of life?  Because if that's the case, we've got to show ourselves a little compassion, realize that this season too shall pass, and probably even explain to those very dear friends that, we're not able to be the friend, daughter, lover, whatever that we might like to be right now but it has nothing to do with how much we appreciate their companionship and value the relationship.

It's just something I'm thinking about.  Sometimes you can be surrounded by people and still be shut down and shutting them out.  If the goal is to be present and actively engaged in the beautiful world around us as much as possible, then it's worth the effort to figure out what people, activities or things in our lives are potentially jeopardizing our healthy life balance and robbing us of being able to experience this joy in its entirety.

 

Okay.  That's quite philosophical enough for one morning.

 

XOXO,

Rachel]]> Tue, 27 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.tridelta.org/thecenter/learn/boundariesvsbarbedwirefences