For a long time now I've sort of been mulling over the idea of jealousy. What all forms does it take? Where does it come from? How can we guard ourselves against becoming jealous or deal with it when we find ourselves the target of someone else's jealousy?
These all seemed like worthwhile questions to me.
As a girl, as a woman, jealousy is impossible to escape. It rears
it's uncomfortable head so often and in such varied ways, if you are sensitive
to it, you might just find yourself on jealousy alert 100% of the time which is
exhausting, draining and defeating. It's no way to live.
So, originally I thought it would be great if I
could come up with a laundry list of sorts of what jealousy can look like.
"That way," I thought," women can know when
that's what they're dealing with or up against." You know, sort
of like, if you know what you're up against, at least then you can prepare
yourself for the battle.
Then I realized, that idea in and of itself was really not very productive. Women don't need another battle to fight against each other even if its stemming from a sense of not wanting to fall into something, like becoming jealous, or not wanting to be blindsided if we become the "victim" of jealousy. I say victim in quotations because it can very much hurt when you are the object of another's jealousy. It can. It can also be nothing more than a fact, a piece of information, if you have the tools to deal with the source of jealousy before you even get to the place where you're emotionally reacting to it either as the perpetrator or the one on the receiving end.
Okay so --- WHAT IS THE ROOT OF JEALOUSY?
Correct me if I'm wrong, or comment with your
thoughts but, I believe the source of jealousy, the root that jealousy in all
its many forms stems from, is comparison. Comparison stems from not
knowing who you are which gives you a certainty in being who you're supposed to
be.
If you truly know who you are and live
accordingly you will be CONFIDENT in the decisions you make, in the way you
carry yourself, in the way you spend your time and CONTENT with the status of
your life, the situations that you're in and the path you're on as the person
you're becoming.
Jealousy is just one symptom of comparison.
It's discontent on steroids. It can permeate so many areas of our
thinking and our lives. It makes us resentful. We either become
arrogant in regards to others because we think we're better then they are in
some form or area, or it leads to insecurity, because we think more poorly of
ourselves than others. Both of which are sneakily self-centered mindsets
(after all, even when we're thinking insecure thoughts or feeling insecure
feelings we're still mostly concentrating on ourselves more than any other
person in the world aren't we?).
Anyway, so I guess the conclusion I've come to is
that jealousy isn't really worth that much attention. Comparison is
though. And the remedy for comparison seems to me to being knowing
yourself and living in the confidence and contentment that comes from that.
Knowing yourself is a process though.
Certainly if you're a collegian, this is a pertinent topic for you.
If you're a Tri Delta, the resources of this organization and amongst
your sisterhood are structured to help you discover and further develop a clear
picture of who you are. It's just as critical though if you're not yet in
college or if you're out of college as a career woman or a stay at home mom or
some blend of the two. Both of those arenas are ripe --- RIPE! --- with
opportunities for comparison, within themselves and between each other.
Alright, I think that's plenty. What are
your thoughts? Have you seen this in your own life or have you discovered
other techniques for dealing with comparison or nipping it in the bud?
Always eager to learn from other ladies,
Rachel
