Dissatisfaction. Is there something dissatisfying you?
I have gotten to a point in life where I've learned how to be completely content with who I am while also being more consciously cooperative with whatever change I know needs to happen in order for me to continue to the next level in my personal growth.
It was an arduous learning process. For the longest time, I was constantly beating myself up, always measuring but never measuring up to my own high goals and expectations for myself. I would see an area in need of improvement and then bash the living day lights out of myself when I didn't immediately act in a way that was congruent with this new area of needed improvement I'd just discovered.
This is what I learned --- If you're dissatisfied with something the only thing that's ever going to change it is if you do something different. Most everything we do in our life is a habit. We develop habits by practicing consistent behaviors. We behave according to what we believe. What we believe is based on our thoughts and our thoughts are based on what we've experienced and interpreted from those experiences over the years.
So, if you want to act different, first you have to think different. If you find yourself knowing how you should act but still doing the same old things, it's because your habitual behaviors, based on your ingrained beliefs, reinforced by a lifetime of thoughts are still unchanged.
It one thing to say and even know you want to or don't want to do something anymore. It's a whole other thing entirely to actually work on transforming the thoughts that fashion your beliefs that produce the behaviors that shape your habits day in and day out. That's a process that takes time. That's why it's important to learn how to be content in the midst of the change that's taking place.
Sometimes I have literally thought, "Could I just be done growing for a while now?" But, I find, every time I do the hard things, which often times actually just means learning how to do the small things differently, consistently, I am so pleased and thankful and happier with myself when I get to a new place of maturity on the other side.
Contentment is not to be confused with complacency. Complacency is standing still, growing or becoming comfortable in a state of stagnancy. Contentment to me is a component of peace. Its appreciation, recognition, happiness and gratitude for who you are and where you're at even in light of the fact that you might have a heck of a long way to go from where you are today. But, in my experience, if you're trying, you'll grow that much faster if you don't shackle the weight of guilt and self-doubt to your feet while you run towards your next personal best.
If you're alive, then there's still time.