In Tri Delta’s new series, “3 For You,” we’re covering the best tips from experts as we navigate our current situation during COVID-19. Award-winning speaker and best-selling author and Tri Delta friend AmyK Hutchens shares her three magical phrases for getting what you want. Read her three tips below, or listen to the podcast.
With everything feeling like it’s on hold, it can be difficult to think about what we want out of life. AmyK Hutchens’ newest book, “GET IT: Five Steps to the Sex, Salary and Success You Want,” has recently been named a #1 best-seller, and she’s sharing with us three magical phrases you can use to get what you want—whether it’s in your career, family or relationships.
Tip #1 “A part of me…”
Right now, with the pandemic and sheltering in place, we are experiencing a myriad of emotions. It’s normal to feel happy, sad, frustrated, stressed, guilty and joyful all within the span of 20 minutes. When we’re feeling uncertain and experiencing something new, we tend to talk in absolutes rather than being more nuanced in our approached. We’ll say things like “I’m angry,” “I’m stressed” or “I’m frustrated.” When you’re talking to someone else, their brain hears a 100% absolute…they think that you’re only angry, only stressed or only frustrated.
Instead, use the magical phrase, “A part of me is angry,” “A part of me is stressed” or “A part of me is frustrated.” This is more accurate because you are experiencing all these other emotions. This is a great phrase to use with kids. For example, if your kids do something that frustrates you, instead of saying “I’m frustrated,” say “A part of me is frustrated.” They won’t get defensive and it will de-escalate the tension because what you’ve just told them is there’s still wiggle room for love, respect, inclusion and belonging.
Tip #2 “Would you be willing…”
So many things right now are out of our control. We’re living outside of normal, and we’re trying to find new ways to get control because control makes us feel secure. If you’re asking somebody to do something and you use the magical phrase “Would you be willing…” what you’re allowing them to do is to feel in control. It allows them to say yes and to choose to do something. If they say no, you can follow it with “What would you be willing to do?” Again, you’re giving them that onus of control.
Tip #3 “How might we?”
Our new reality is that we have to find ways to invite people to collaborate. When we problem solve, we want to be part of the solution—we want to co-create the future. The magical phrase right now is “How might we?” How might we increase our sales? How might we work remotely? How might we reach out to our clients? How might we make this more effective or more efficient? Whatever your objective is, whatever your challenge or opportunity, turn it into a “how might we” question because it says there’s a lot of possibility here; we’re not coming up with a definitive solution, we’re exploring ideas. The important part of this is the “we”—we’re in this together. “How might we” is a brilliant phrase for fostering higher level critical thinking skills for better ideating, and it also says to someone that their voice and input matters.